Just a rant

I always feel like I’m horrible at everything, like I’m just such a fuck up and all I do is disappoint sabotage and ruin anything remotely good in my life I’ve never had a long stable friendship neither have I ever even been in a relationship where as I see people around me having huge numbers of friends who ask them to do stuff or even initiate the conversation first I’ve never had that before not once, despite my attempts and everytime I think I’ve succeeded with being normal I end up destroying everything somewhat good that was left. I have friends, sure, but my friends have other friends. I am nobody’s first priority and i know for certain that no one thinks about me, I constantly wonder who would show up to my funeral other than my family. I guess really no one, I guess I just bother people, I’m a burden, I spend most my time pent up in my room scrolling on my phone or daydreaming about a better life, I’ve been doing this for years now. Just daydreaming on hours on end, I’ll probably go outside with my so called friends once every five months and that’s about it. I’ve always felt like a loser, like a nobody. I feel ignored by everyone, I feel like an outcast. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I guess it’s sort of shallow to say but I really wished I was popular in a sense where I wouldn’t have to be locked inside my house, where people would constantly ask me to hang out or invite me to things. I just wanna be thought about