I Can't Stop Thinking About Leaving My Boyfriend

Not asking for advice. I don't have any friends I can share this with and it's killing me.

I'm polyamorous. I know for a fact that I am and have even experimented in the past. For the past four years, I've been dating my boyfriend. We've been in an open/poly relationship the entire time.

He's been my rock, my world for those four years. But as I'm getting older, I'm starting to see more of his flaws: he barely cleans, he is very stubborn, easy to anger, and more. I haven't been letting them get to me, everyone has their flaws. But lately, if just seems to be getting worse. I feel like I'm his mother half the time.

Then, I met someone. He's sweet and caring, kind of everything I'm looking for in a man. He's well put together and has his life together.

To cut to the chase, I find myself wondering if I just settled for my boyfriend because I was desperate at the time. He's been the best boyfriend, but I feel like he's holding me back, or maybe I'm holding him back?

Maybe I'm too complacent, letting him think all of these things are okay all these years. And now seeing that someone else is interested in me makes me wonder if I really just settled.

I hate this feeling. I hate these thoughts. I love my boyfriend, he's sweet, kind, and caring. He's the perfect boyfriend...emotionally.

Physically, I feel like his parents. Like his mom. Like I have to do everything for him: track his bills, track his appointments, clean up after him, make sure he showers, tell him what to do next, etc.

It doesn't help we're both depressed, I'm scared that if I leave he'll do something to himself. Or I'll hurt him so badly... I don't even want to think about it.

Not asking for advice, just... I dunno