Just broke up with gf of almost 2 years

I’m gay and just got out of a relationship that meant everything to me. She felt like home, even when it didn’t always feel safe. I don’t know how to let go of someone I loved that deeply.

Sometimes it felt like I was pouring everything into us and barely getting anything back. Like I was always the one apologizing, the one trying to fix things, the one begging to feel understood. I kept trying to explain how I needed to feel emotionally validated, and she thought she was doing that, but it just didn’t land. And when I said that, it felt like I was the problem.

I even had a panic attack and it didn’t feel like she really saw how much pain I was in. Despite a similar situation happened between us but with the roles reversed. I felt alone even when I wasn’t. Like my feelings were too heavy for her, or just inconvenient.

I keep replaying everything wondering if I gave too much, or if she just couldn’t give me what I needed. Or if I manipulated her and didn’t realize.

How do you move on from someone who still feels like a part of you? How do you stop blaming yourself?

If u guys want any more details lmk, I’m an open book. Thank you for reading