I believe I'm ISFP, but was professionally typed as using a mostly hybrid of ESFJ and ISFP functions (with the ESFJ influence being stronger).

Which seems more accurate?



* 27 years old
* JOB: Currently working in Billing, layoffs pending at an undisclosed date. I chose this path because the workload is minimal, I can work from home without engaging in Corporate Culture, and the income reduces my stress regarding the Future Unknown (and allows me to do all the fun things)
* CHILDHOOD: My parents have always been emotionally absent, and their extremely hands-off parenting style caused me to develop a mental illness at a young age. I was a fiery troublemaker who enjoyed stealing from other kids and starting fights over boys I liked (because romance was the beam of hope that promised to end my loneliness). Around the time I turned 12, I became extremely shy and non-confrontational, a trend which has continued to this day.
* ACTIVITIES: Hiking and relaxing in nature, gardening (although I currently don't have access to the space), cooking and consuming an infinite amount of sweets, doing my friends and boyfriend's favorite activities, doing mine and my boyfriend's chores (he's going through a rough patch), researching my next move in life without actually doing anything, watching movies (especially in the surreal/romance/monster genres), traveling.
* VAN LIFE: These past few months, I have been researching van life as a means of moving out of my parent's house, experiencing more of the world, and changing as a person in more pronounced ways. Renting is stressful because I might hate the location or lose my job. Van life is both a means to self-preservation and adventure. The huge amount of decisions cause me anxiety, but I feel much better after renting a van for a short trip, researching the differences, and test driving vans.
* CURRENT "MEANING OF LIFE": I want to experience all of the beauty that life has to offer before I die or the world deteriorates, whichever comes first. Lately, this has meant learning how to cook the delicious foods I would normally buy from restaurants (and sharing them with my loved ones), watching all the movies, hiking, and gearing up to move out of my parent's house (the latter being the most significantly different from my past lifestyle). I often wonder if my life should mean more than this: should I contribute to the world? Will I feel regret over my miniscule impact while lying on my death bed? I don't know if my life will ever go that far, but hopefully it'll go somewhere.
* FEARS: I've always been afraid to "stand on my own" in the world. Historically speaking, whenever I was looking to move out of my parent's house (after college) or to a new city, I would always want my boyfriend at the time to be my next roommate. The relationships never worked out; in retrospect, we were always incompatible emotionally, yet I "needed" them by my side. I often feel shy around others, but  social interations in a romantic context cause me much less anxiety.
* HIGHS: Going on adventures, experiencing the beauty of the world without waiting for the worst to happen, living in a way that embodies hope rather than despair.
* LOWS: Feeling "stuck", accepting the worst from others without ending the relationship, believing that endless reflection is an adequate substitution for action.
* ENNEAGRAM: I believed myself to be 9SX, but everything I've written is dripping with anxiety, lol. Maybe I'm 6SP or maybe I'm regressing.
* MY LOVED ONES' PERCEPTION OF ME: I swear I come across as "too chill" to my loved ones, even in the face of adversity. They would describe me as sunny, withdrawn, or moody depending on the day, but not as anxious. They often comment on my quirks and unusual sense of humor. They often worry that I'm not being careful enough with my little day-to-day choices (eating raw cookie dough, driving my car fast, constantly being sleep/rest deprived in favor of my hedonistic pursuits, etc.). It's the long-term life altering decisions that cause me to ruminate (although I normally never express these feelings to others).

IN CONCLUSION: Idk if anyone will read this wall of text but, if you do, I hope you have a wonderful day! I'm currently quarranting at home post covid-exposure, so I hope you get to experience all of the wonders I'm currently barred from, lol.

the current state of things