AITA if I report the couple's therapist that married my ex-boyfriend a year after our sessions with her?

Originally posted to r/lemonadedays

AITA if I report the couple's therapist that married my ex-boyfriend a year after our sessions with her?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

TRIGGER WARNING: >!Therapeutic malpractice!<

Original Post - rareddit Feb 19, 2020

In 2017, I (F25) saw a couple's therapist with my then-boyfriend (M36). After 3 sessions with her, I refused to return due to her blatant flirtatious behavior and extremely judgmental attitude toward me, which my ex-boyfriend called me delusional for pointing out. She had told me that I seemed too immature, not ready for therapy or a serious relationship. The whole thing was focused on my ex-boyfriend and his complaints about me; she never asked about my feelings or perspective in the relationship.

We broke up about 2 months after the sessions, but I stayed living with my ex-boyfriend until November. Once after I moved out, I had to return to our old apartment to get mail (this was in December), and that was the first time I saw the therapist with my ex. They happened to be getting ready to go out on his motorcycle and were both wearing full-face motorcycle helmets, but I KNEW from her body type and hair that it was her (along with my instincts, which suspected something was going on the whole time). But nevertheless, I moved on with my life.

I just found out yesterday my ex got married due to a friend telling me about a photo he posted on facebook. The photo was of him and my ex-therapist, celebrating their one-year wedding anniversary. I found her facebook with the name change, and sure enough, they got married September of 2018 (or earlier; that's just when she posted the wedding photos). This was less than a year after the break up with me ex, and barely over a year after our sessions with her ended.

I am considering filing a complaint with the American Counseling Association. My friends and mental health counselors I know say I have enough evidence. I am not upset that my ex moved on - so have I. I thank the Universe every day that I am no longer with that Narcissist. However, I feel deeply disturbed to find out he married our therapist, especially remembering all the harmful stuff she said to me in the sessions, which to be honest really messed with my head. I fear coming off as a bitter ex. AITA? ​ EDIT: TL;DR My ex-boyfriend married our couple's therapist a year after our sessions with her; I am not sure if it is too petty or bitter to report it to the ACA or if anything will even come of it.

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

pillmayken

Hi, I’m a therapist. PLEASE REPORT HER, her behavior is ridiculously unethical and who knows what else has she done or if she even should be allowed to practice. NTA times a million.

Edit: I gotta say, I’m loving this veritable Greek chorus of therapists showing up to chant REPORT HER REPORT HER

(OP if you see this, please don’t feel like you’re obligated to report her, you do what you need to do to find peace and closure, alright?)

DevilsAvocadvocate

The normal rule is no dating patients within 12 months of the last encounter, correct? Not sure if that's a legal or just an in-house rule

bill-end

Even if the marriage / relationship was a year after, I bet OP's fella started banging this therapist after the first few meetings. Very unprofessional. If I were OP, I wouldn't hesitate to report them.

Are there any professional bodies that can prevent her practicing though? I don't know if they can be struck off like a surgeon or doctor who is guilty of malpractice.

beutifdisaster22

If an ethics complaint is filed, she can potentially lose her license.

Edit: I was answering the question: Are there any professional bodies that can do anything. My answer is yes, but a complaint needs to be filed. She can lose her license, but there are other penalties that can be imposed by the Board. Which is why I said potentially.

~

metastatic_mindy

Curious. Who's idea was it to go for therapy and who picked out the therapist?

OOP

Him and him.

neonnice

Ohhh. Any chance this was happening prior?

OOP

I have NO idea, but one of my friends suggested that.

neonnice

Might be worth looking into especially if you paid for the sessions.

OOP

He paid, did the scheduling, everything. I never even signed a consent form. I just went with him.

BrownSugarBare

There are red flags flying up all over the place regarding this "therapists" practice. You didn't even sign a form and she was seeing you as a client? That's not normal. At all.

OOP

You’re right, I realize that now. At the time I suspected things were weird, but I was more focused on just trying to get on with my life, you know? For all those people saying well why did you wait until now that they are married.

OOP made Both updates the following day - Feb 20, 2020/Same post

Edit UPDATE: Wow, thank you everyone for your responses. I realize that as the ex, it is pretty much impossible for it not to seem like I’m jealous/petty/bitter, whatever you want to say. However, it is also impossible to have sat in those sessions and then see your therapist and ex get married and have zero feelings about, regardless of having moved on. Please, give me a break. I’m human. Anyway, I have made my decision. I am not going to participate in this post anymore, but I sincerely thank those of you that made meaningful contributions.

Edit again UPDATE: So, one of my friends has basically taken it upon herself to investigate this therapist (I swear she should be in the FBI, lol). She found out that this is the 3rd last name that this woman has practiced psychotherapy with. Under the first last name in 2014, she was charged with a DUI w/ Property Damage. She also comes up on HealthGrades with 5 one-star reviews and an overall 3-star rating. Essentially what this new information does for me is confirm that she has been a shitty human being with shitty morals for quite some time. There’s no way this is the first time she has caused undue harm to a client. Therefore, I can say with certainty that I AM REPORTING.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

TheDreadPirateJeff

NTA. Ordinarily, I'd suggest this is pretty petty, happens in relationships that go south, blah blah blah, HOWEVER, in this instance, there's a very good chance that someone that you went to for counseling took advantage of your vulnerabilities and used them to manipulate you for her own gain. So I'd say go for it and report that shit high and wide.

That said, YOU know what kind of guy your ex is, and now SHE's stuck with him, so there's at least some justice in that.

OOP

Thank you. Yes, like I said, if he married anyone else I literally would not care. Very happy to not be with him. My concern is her professional conduct. At the time, it was very rough for me to watch them flirt in those sessions and team up against me. Now, I see that they are perfect for each other, but she should not be a therapist.

zenocrate

It’s very rare to be presented with the opportunity to screw over your ex while doing the morally right thing. You have been given that opportunity; don’t squander it!

Moister_than_oyster

What does he have that is so special? I mean for her to even be interested then to risk her career?

OOP

That is a great question. All I know is that he pursued me with passion when I was 22, offering all the safety and security I craved at the time. He was going through a divorce and I naively believed all the shit he fed to me. He made me feel like I was an angel sent from the heavens to rescue him. But then I couldn’t keep up with his unrealistic standards as I faced struggles that many early 20-something year olds deal with. His Holier Than Thou attitude chipped away at my self-esteem. On more than one occasion he told me that no man will ever love me again or want to put up with me. Then when we went to therapy this woman confirmed that I was indeed a POS. I never felt so low. He’s a master psychological manipulator.

FINAL COMMENT FROM OOP

Definitely a huge thank you to all the therapists showing up to support me. And also thank you for adding the last bit. I just updated the post. With the new information I have about her character, I am definitely reporting. This woman should not be a therapist. I hope that she really did find true love for my ex and that it will be worth it for her. Really, I do. But she should not be trusted by another vulnerable person ever again.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7