Feeling Depressed and can't find a NORMAL guy

Been with someone for a year, found him on reddit. We liked each other alot. Our sex was amazing everytime. For me i don't enjoy anyone easily,has to be a great chemistry which we had. He lost his job after a month meeting him which i didn't care. But he was very thrifty with his money. We couldn't go out together anywhere. Which i was waiting for him to find a job but he couldn't. That wasn't the main issue, we used to use condoms. But i had a cold sore breakout, i didn't want to meet till it gets better . But it took too long and i really missed him. I asked just to meet and talk no kissing or anything. He refused to see me period! . Then asked me to get tested for STDs which its good. But i felt I'm dirty from having cold sores i got it when i was 8 years old wasnt even by sex . From mother and brother by sharing cups and towels. I got very offended and blocked him. I got hurt. For year been together he suspected me and pushed me away for that sores. Then he knew i got healed then asked me to come over. I said no and blocked him. Did i over reacted? Or he deserves that for being asshole? I felt i was begging to see him just to see him,but he didn't want to., i even asked him if i was living with you, would u kick me out the house till i get healed? He didn't answer that question and said will discuss that later! We were even thinking to move in with him and get married. I miss him sometimes but i promise myself won't cry on assholes , trying to keep calm and be busy. He kept saying he didn't know. But i told him before i got breakout i even forgot about it because i usually haven't got a breakout for 4 years. Its once in couple in years or less, my question should i feel dirty from having oral hsv1 that i contracted from childhood? Will effect my dating life ? He made me embarrassed and hate myself .But i never made him embarrassed of him not having job or anything else! I supported him and was looking for a job with him He just so selfish and mean sometimes but always selfish and love himself so much.