20 years gone

I just lost all my Pokémon from 20 years of playing. I started on leaf green to now. I had shiny mew, exclusives from events, I even had most of a living dex and tons in shiny. I can't explain what I feel right now. It's almost like feeling myself die. I tell myself that I don't really care. It's just things. Because if I feel anything else it would be pointless - they're gone. I thought my pokemon home had them all, but they must have been on violet. I only have the basic box from when I beat arceus with the legendary Pokémon from that game. Honestly, the one that kills me the most is losing my original shiny Charizard and shiny rayquaza. I spent months soft resetting as a kid to get those. And my event shiny gengar and victini I got with my best friend who later passed. I didn't think I'd care too much if I lost them. I was wrong