You ruined my life, and I still cannot get you out of my head, once and for all

After a week from now, it'll be 2 years since we last spoke. It has already been more than 2 years since we last saw each other. The day before I left my town, I know you still remember. Your image is gradually fading from my memories. Your face, your body is gradually turning into a silhouette. It is happening, extremely slowly but it is. Yet, there hasn't been one day in the last 2 years, where I haven't thought about you or any memories of us. It has become a daily routine of sorts.

Pain has long subsided but hurt is still there. It doesn't command attention anymore but never fails to itch. I still cannot completely fathom how you threw me in the dumpster and left right after you got the job you aspired for, a week after you proclaimed you cannot live without talking to me even for a day. A part of my mind still refuses to accept this actually happened, even after 2 years have passed. I have hated you, detested you, shouted at you, demanded the worst for you in the past 2years yet I haven't been able to forget about you.

Still once in a while when I cross the street or go to office, when I see someone with your physical traits, my mind places your face on that person for miliseconds and that stumps me, even though we probably live in far away places now. It has been almost 7 months since you tried to directly and indirectly contact me, I don't know why though, maybe to scratch those scars and when I retaliated, I got called extremely messed up things.

I wanna be angry at you and believe me, anger is the best solution in this situation. It'll obliterate anything and everything that my mind has of you. But hilariously my anger isn't more powerful than my longing. Sort of a divine punishment it seems, that I have the means to quench my thirst, but my body won't accept it. I've grown to live with it and probably will continue living life with this handicap. I just hope I can someday,place every piece of you in that garbage dump that you had placed me long ago.