My life

M25 I met a girl and fell in love straight away first everything we had kids young and stayed with her 6 years moved out of parents and watch them grow up the whole time I was sort of just cruising through it all. I didn’t want children so young but I didn’t want to be a shitty person so I quietly accepted the fact that this girl was gunna run my life. I tried giving her everything she wanted and needed but I couldn’t do it. I am stupid and broke so we was skating by at the bottom pay check to pay check I went through job after job just bored with my life. Whole time this girl is cheating on me I caught her a once and thought everyone makes mistakes and forgave she didn’t stop I felt helpless if I leave I am the bad guy if I stay I am a joke a doormat she can walk all over but I didn’t want to lose my kids so I was the doormat let her do what she wanted and acted like I didn’t care things kept getting worse and worse i got heavily into drugs and my friendship group and basically just left her to do her own thing we was still together and stuff I didn’t ever step outside our relationship just mentally checked out I felt like even if I tried to help I just mess it up more so I left everything to her basically neglecting my family she ended up falling for a guy and cheated for over a year and finally she get pregnant with this guy this was the final straw I smashed up her brand new house which was stupid she told everybody I was abusing her and stuff which everyone believed because I smashed up the house. She took the kids away from me and told me I have to fight her in court to see them

After the relationship I had a hard time I stayed with my mum until she moved out. then I stayed with a friend (at the time) for a less than a year and I was homeless for 2 years sleeping on the streets for the first year then in shared accommodation for the rest until they helped me get a house. but the whole time I couldn’t stop wishing I had done things differently rethinking over and over again. I don’t see any of my old friends my family moved away and I feel like I am the only one here stuck trying to keep my family together but no one is interested in being a family

It’s been 5 years since the relationship and she is still the only person I have slept and I can’t get over her i want to and have tried to move on but I can’t trust girls there has been a couple opportunities but every time i figure out they like me I mess it up because I don’t want to be left in the powerless position

What do I do?