I want to try heroin

Years of being rejected and laughed at by women what is the point of living a sober life. Everyone else gets to lose their virginity, why can't I! I've come to the realization that I should have seen being a virgin at 22 was in my cards. You can lift weights and eat healthy but you can't fix a shitty face card loadout. If I can't take part in the act that is responsible for all life on earth itself what value does this life have I might as well live like no tomorrow because I have nothing to lose, except my virginity. If anybody knows how I can find a person selling fentanyl or heroin plz let me know I am serious about getting into drugs and I'm open to crack as well. I live near Seattle