Does it ever get better?

I lost my mom a little over two months ago, I'll try to word this the best I can.

My mom was never really around when I was growing up, she was an addict and had the tendency to leave for weeks at a time, in which I would cry for her to come home.

I feel like it's harder to grieve someone who was never really there, because I feel like she's still here, I feel like I can just call her or go visit her, but I know she won't be there. I know she'll never be there for the rest of my life, she won't watch me walk across the stage and graduate highschool, she won't see my ups and down, she won't see anything, no more than the saw when she was alive. It hurts, it really does, and my dad tells me that greiving is a process and he still feels like he lost his mom last winter and not close to ten or even more years ago.

But truly, does it ever get better? Or does the grief get more manageable?

She doesn't have a headstone yet, and I'm upset that she does, because she's sitting in the dirt, unnamed and unmarked, sure, maybe she's in the system for that plot, but nobody who didn't go to her burial doesn't know where she's buried, they don't know her resting place.

The only sibling I share with her is 2 hours away downstate and can't visit due to personal things. The only connecting peice I had to my mom is nowhere near me and it hurts, because I feel like now, I'm the only connecting peice to her.

I don't feel better visiting her grave, the atleast two times since she was buried in May. I feel like she's trapped on earth now, I hate to be spiritual, but I feel like if she was cremated, maybe she could've been able to roam the earth with those who kept her ashes, but she's stuck to one place.

My rant is extremely unorganized and all over the place, I apologize, I haven't slept well and have always had a hard time getting my thoughts together.