Having a hard day

I have been away from him for a month. He had been violent and then switched things up on me and discarded me abruptly and blocked me out of his life. I have been doing mostly ok and did not answer the phone during the night when he called multiple times. I am going to the gym often and have been given a higher role at work. I keep looking at the list I made of horrible things he said and did and keep telling myself that I’m better off. Today however I feel really sad and my thoughts are on a loop. I miss the good times and I’m frustrated that he kept ruining everything. The I’ll be disgusted at his cheating lying drinking drug use and anger only moments later to miss him! This is probably the worst day I’ve had and only posting to purge it. Last night I dreamt of a man that I don’t know in real life who was seemingly my partner and he was lovely .The warmth I felt in the dream was so comforting… I’m hoping tomorrow is better 😌