Withdrawing participation from sexual assault case

Location: Ontario

I recently pressed charges for sexual assault in a historic case. The case is now at the preliminary stages where I’m being cross examined. I had my first date the other day, and a following date later this month.

I don’t feel like I can continue. I think it took a lot of courage to file the report and give my statement. The guy wants a judge and jury. I can’t do this in front of a jury, I don’t even feel like I can do it again. I don’t even want revenge I just wanted him to know what he did to me and how it affected me, that he broke me. I’m not trying to ruin his life as well. I want to heal on my own, like I was doing. I’m so consumed by this, my anxiety is building and building every day and I just don’t want to go back to court. Is this allowed? I feel like I can’t even go to work or talk to people this is all I think about it’s a dark cloud following me everywhere and I want to be happy again. I want to feel free again. I feel like I’m back in the same dark room, dark prison and depressed again.

Who do I talk to what do I do. I don’t have the crowns contact info, is it her I talk to is it victim services. Please help me.