can’t sleep. everything hurts too bad

sorry if this post fills up this space, i just need someplace to vent right now

if you can tell by my post history, i have a BPD ex who i dated in the middle of high school. she was abusive throughout our relationship yet i’ve constantly been in the throws of loving her despite all the harsh treatment. she never opted out of an advisory period i brought her into at the start of our relationship so i’ve never been able to get over her.

i’ve been checking her social media (mistake no. 1 i know) and she’s recently started dating someone who i once considered a friend. it’s self centered but i feel like he knew deep down how it would hurt me

it’s unrelated to my ex but tonight my mother and her boyfriend took one of my cats who have been sick for a while. he unfortunately died on the way to the veterinarian hospital.

my heart has been pounding for hours all the while being shattered. i feel like such a loser and i miss our family’s kitty. this heartache is making it so much harder to sleep; it’s like i’m being stabbed in the chest. i feel too, too much.

thank you for reading. sorry if this post seems extremely sob-story-esque. i just need somewhere to write.