The people who say “I have no friends” usually have one or two. I genuinely don’t

I’m happy for anyone who has someone to lean on. Let’s be honest though, I don’t.

I have kind of a turbulent relationship with my family. We aren’t close and they barely tolerate me. As soon as I leave the room they immediately start saying mean things about me. I’ve caught them on accident many times. They thought I had stepped outside when I really went into the bathroom and accidentally heard my sister call me the “r word.”

As for friends, nope. I don’t even have one. I had acquaintances from school and my siblings’ friends, but never connected with them. I was always eating alone at lunch. Played alone at the playground or would hide in the bathroom until it was over.

I’ve spent my whole life alone and I’m in my early 30s now. People who I thought were my friends ended up not being my friends.

I can’t even blame them though, I’m a bad communicator in real life. I struggle so much to talk to people and feel terrified in public. Social anxiety combined with poor social skills feels like a self reinforcing spiral from hell. I don’t want to go out because my social skills are bad and part of the reason my social skills are so bad is BECAUSE I don’t go out. And you know, plus autism.