Fit in

Why can’t I fit in

Why do I always feel so alone

Abandoned even in my own home

My thoughts, my worries, my pain

Everything always stuck in my brain

I feel silenced like my voice has been taken away

I try to scream, to cry, but there’s nothing I can say

There’s so much I want to say, to share what I really feel

But nothing leaves my head

I just write poems that are never read

I’m known to be quiet, so I don’t speak up

Every time I try to talk I’m told to keep my mouth shut

Why do I feel like everyone is always against me

Like I’m not normal and everyone hates me

Like no one sees the real me

I don’t even recognize me

Why is it always me

Why does it have to be my fault

I wish I could just disappear

Run away and hide from the fear

Fear of doing something I’ll regret

Fear of disappointment

Why can’t people see how much I’m hurting

What will it take for them to notice

I just want someone to care

Someone for me, my thoughts to share

Why do I never feel loved

I don’t deserve anyone

No one should be with me knowing what I’ve done

What I want to do

No one should have to be the one I talk to

Will I ever fit in

Will I ever be included

In a room full of people, friends and family, why do I feel so secluded

It’s like I’m invisible

Only seen when I’m needed for help

But what about me and the work I need to do myself

What if I can’t do it

Why is life so hard

Wouldn’t it just be easier to restart

Why do I cause myself more pain than I need

I’m the one that hurts me and makes myself bleed

It’s my fault

It always is

Why do I have to be like this

Why can’t I be normal

Why can’t I fit in

I’m the hardest on myself

I’m the one causing these problems

I make them worse instead of trying to solve them

Why can’t I stop

Why can’t I fix my own mess

Everything I do just causes more distress

The more I do the worse I feel

The worse it gets, the less I heal

My life is worthless

That’s what I truly think

But I’ll never say it

The most I’ll do is write it in ink

My mental health is terrible

But I’ll never let it show

Why would I want others to know

To know that I’m sad and broken

That I can’t be fixed

These words will never be spoken

Why can’t I fit in

Because I never will

There’s always going to be something wrong with me

A hole that no one can ever fill

Why can’t I cry

Why can’t I let my feelings show

Why can’t I just let these thoughts go

I don’t want to die but I don’t want to stay here

I just want everything to disappear

I want to be better

I want all this to stop

I know it won’t

I just don’t want something to send me over the top

Why can’t I fit in

Why do I never feel at home

Because I’m always in my head, in my own terrible world, all alone