Do they discard once they lose control?

Been dealing with the fallout of my breakup with my boyfriend. It’s been 3 months, 1 month since we went no contact. I’m still struggling with feeling like it was my fault. My friend and I were planning her birthday trip when I told my boyfriend and he immediately had a problem with it. He told me if I go that we’re breaking up. I stood my ground and told him I wanted to go. Ever since then he’s just treated me like total shit. Seems very emotionless and acts as if we were never in a long term relationship. He’s definitely an abusive narcissist, would call me names and tell me i’m unlovable and worthless. He put his hands on me once. I’ve heard about the discard phase, and I was wondering if the last straw was me going on vacation. Like was that just too much of a loss of control for him? I’m just tired of blaming myself.