Aging sucks

I am fifty one. And my body is feeling it. And I fucking hate it. I work out, limit sugar, take supplements, use infrared light therapy, castor oil, coconut oil, meditate. But the rheumatoid and osteoarthritis are taking tolls on my body. And it makes me so angry. I love my job as a nurse and I'm on my feet for three twelve hour shifts a week. And no I don't want to do something different. I want to be able to do that. Because it's not an unreasonable expectation. I'm exhausted of the physical and mental and emotional struggling and suffering that every human endures . It seems so wrong. And even though I've been a spiritual seeker my entire life, I'm still not convinced that our soul has some kind of ultimate goal in all of this. And I do not believe that the abrahmic god is benevolent.i do not believe in the popular view of heaven and hell. All I know is that this world is full of suffering. Those who disagree are in denial. And I can't find a solution. Do we keep coming back? I kind of hope not but I think we do. I wish I believed that we just ceased to exist after death but at this point I can't make myself believe it.