I'm 16F and I don't have my own room or bed... idk what to do

Using a throwaway and used AI for formatting/rewording :)

As far as I can remember, I’ve never had my own room or even my own bed. Since childhood, I’ve been sleeping in the same bed as my parents. Even when my brother (21M) goes off to college, I still can’t sleep in his room or move in there. If I try, I get screamed at.

It’s not about money. My parents are actually pretty well-off and have been “planning” to build a new house for the past 5 years. But instead of taking action, they blame my brother and me for the delays, saying they were too busy “managing our lives.” It’s starting to feel less like parenting and more like control.

All I have in our shared room is a desk and a chair. Of course, the desk is positioned so they can watch whatever I’m doing... so I don’t even sit there. My only real escape is my computer.

I don’t have many IRL friends. I have social anxiety, and I was bullied a lot growing up, especially for how I look. I have a lot of body hair (I’m South Asian), and no one, not even my parents, seemed to care when I was getting bullied for it. They were always more focused on my brother and his academics. I was already shy, and that made everything worse. Since COVID, I’ve worn a mask constantly and hid myself under huge clothes. I hate it, but I feel like I don’t have a choice. I’ve started shaving and getting laser treatment, but it doesn’t feel like enough.

This is why I turned to the internet.

Online, I’ve made friends. People who actually talk to me and treat me like a person. When I was 12 and extremely lonely, I got involved with a 16-year-old online in a sexual way. Looking back, I know that was wrong, and I wish it hadn’t happened... but I was a kid. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was bullied, friendless, desperate to feel seen and wanted.

A few months after it happened, his parents found out and told mine. That’s when things got really bad. My parents replaced my computer with a restricted one, which, honestly, I understand now. But what I don’t understand is the slut-shaming that’s followed me ever since.

To this day, my dad brings it up every week. I was twelve. He says I should be grateful they “saved” me, but I still don’t understand what I’m supposed to apologize for. I needed therapy. I needed help. Instead, I got slapped, screamed at, and constantly judged. I had to figure out how to cope on my own.

Even now, they make disgusting assumptions that I must be looking for a boyfriend to have sex with or that I'm doing inappropriate things online. I’m just trying to live like a normal human being.

It feels like they already have my whole life planned out. They say they’ll pick my future spouse. If I speak up about what I want, I get guilt-tripped or gaslit with things like, “Well why didn’t you tell us earlier?” But how could I? I never even got the chance to explore what I like or want. And when I do try? I get passive-aggressive comments or weird looks.

I’m going into 11th grade. I know 18 isn’t far, but it still feels like forever. Sometimes I wonder if I’m actually spoiled like they say—because yeah, I have things like a computer and AirPods. But I don’t have freedom. I don’t have space. I hate being at home. I feel so behind and unprepared for the adult world because they’ve controlled everything for so long. Everyone says I should be “thankful,” but they don’t understand the mental strain it’s put on me.

I’ve made new online friends now on different platforms, nothing sexual. Just people who talk to me like I matter. And if I told my parents about them, I know exactly what they’d assume. So I hide it.

I know this post is long, and maybe only part of it relates to the title, but I’ve been holding all this in for so long. I just don’t know what to do.

If anyone else has gone through something like this, especially with Indian parents, I’d really appreciate it if you commented.