My gf (26F) was once friends with a guy who she went to high school with but he passed away 3 years ago. She said they became really close after school and he even became her son’s godfather. Apparently he helped her through her pregnancy, mental health struggles, and more. She says they’ve never been intimate or even thought about.

He has a twin brother who she hasn’t seen and barely talked to since 3 years ago at the funeral. They recently reconnected through social media and she tells me that she’s going to breakfast with him to catch up. Never even gave me the courtesy of speaking to me about this to see if i was comfortable with it before committing to these plans. So here’s my problem with that:

We’ve been together for a year and a half and her last “guy friend” turned out to be more than just a friend as they had been sexually intimate before we got together. I made it clear at the start of the relationship that I didn’t want her keeping in contact with him and she initially resisted but eventually gave in, or so i thought. Months into our relationship, I went through her phone after seeing several signs of deception on her end and discovered inappropriate messages between them. They were sending porn videos to each other from PHub and Twitter. They never made any sexual comments about each other or to each other, it was strictly sending videos from the internet. When I confronted her about it she told me I was overreacting and it was just an inside joke they’ve had since kids. Weird but ok I guess. I told her block him for good and she did. Again, so i thought😂We went through a “break” period of 2 days and when back together she had sent bikini vids of her bending over to him and his responses were extremely explicit and disrespectful. Again, confronted her about it and she swore she was going to block him again. Since then, I haven’t had any issues with him again. 

Another problem is that every time we have a disagreement or an argument her first reaction is to block me on socials and add/follow a bunch of guys that she knows. Then when back together she unfollows them. But then when we argue again, it’s the same cycle. 

I’m trying to be understanding because her friend died and they were close, but it’s just weird she has to go to breakfast with his brother to catch up when they could just FaceTime or talk on the phone if they wanted to catch up that bad. I’m also trying to be respectful, mature, and not seem insecure because I don’t want it to seem like she’s not allowed to have guy friends. But given our past history and things I’ve seen, I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with it or if I’m overreacting. 

She told me this morning he was still trying to figure out where he wanted to eat, but also told me he had suggested just smoking together in a park instead of going to eat. I have no idea what she decided to do with him or where she decided to go as she didn’t communicate that with me.

Was my message to her insecure and an overreaction or was it appropriate? 

P.S. - I’m writing this as she’s currently out with him. 

AIO for not being comfortable with my gf “catching up” with an old guy friend?