Mixed parenting/attachment styles?

I found this through another subredit. I don’t know exactly what I want to do with this post (my apologies if it’s too long), I guess just finding relatable people?

I always had a great bond with my parents, then we moved to a new country started living there and while my dad already had work there, my mom still had to stay back home because of our house (wasn’t sold yet) and her work. She came a few months later to live in the new country. I could always express everything with my mom, very supportive, all positive. While my mom was in our home country, I only had my dad to rely on. It was difficult for me in the new country: the language, new people, social anxiety, fitting in, etc. I thought I could lean on my dad. I thought I could emotionally lean on him, like I could with my mom, but I was wrong. At 17, I figured my dad is emotionally unavailable. Since then my relationship with my dad has been going downhill and then back up when it comes to the practical things… but I prefer expressing instead of sweeping it under the rug for example. I am now 25, I walked into 2025 with an attitude of not giving a single fck. Which has been helpful with some parts I’d say.

I was so done trying to make him understand, him constantly crossing my boundary, not being heard too, begging him to understand, wanting him to just listen instead of immediately giving an answer and not listening to anything I said. Being dismissive of my feelings, or the way I am thinking or just the person I am. Sometimes he would say he understands what I said, but then 5 mins later would do the same thing again, even tho I just explained what he said hurts me.

My mom passed away back in 2023 and ever since then I don’t really have anyone close to me to emotionally lean on. I do have a psychologist and some other people in professional help, but it’s not inner circle type of people, if you get what I mean. I have to say that since this year he got much better at listening, I guess, probably because of the attitude I have, but then again like a few weeks ago I got a melt down (I am autistic) because people didn’t tell me the plan. So later in the evening he asked me why I reacted a certain way, which I was going to explain, but then he interrupted me, didn’t want to hear anything, not even letting me talk, only went with his assumption I guess and that was the entire conversation…

Stuff like that happens too. I never go to him emotionally because I don’t trust his response, I don’t feel that safety net with him. Practically I can go to him, but if I ask something practically I sometimes get scared how he would react. I sometimes, when I do try to emotionally lean on him, I have this hesitation that I think about for a while, quite long before I jump in. Either I get a positive response, or a discussion when I just wanted to express or share or think about ideas together (clueless why we have a discussion), or get the silent treatment or tells me I am “pesada” means annoying (if anyone who speaks Spanish, has a better explanation, pls let me know).

Idk, I guess I just want to share. It’s difficult growing up, being surrounded my mixed parenting styles.