I'm Done (POCD?)

I’m starting to doubt if it really is POCD now , about a year ago I asked this girl I was in a relationship with if she would still love me if I was 12 years old. I don’t know why I asked that weird question in the first place but I ultimately decided to ask her that, but before answering she asked me if I would love her if she was 12. I said yeah but in a non sexual non romantic way (which is still weird) , at first I couldn’t remember what my response was but I assume I said no until I went back and saw the chats. I hate myself so much for this and I feel hopeless , I feel like a p3do most of all. I don’t know what to do really , it feels like my life is over with.