Should I deescalate?

Basically I have been in an off again on again situationship. [32 F] [34 M]. I'm poly and partnered so honestly something casual was fine, I do however have pretty strict guidelines to sexual health like a fresh test before a new partner. I feel like this is pretty par the course for casual partners in general and also feel like it's something adults who wanna be safe with each other should do. I know all the free clinics and their booking sites. I've even sent links to him to get tested. He has yet to, and I feel like I'm asking him too much, but it's a non negotiable for me. We haven't had sex but have done plenty of other things plenty of other times. I've even stayed at his house a few times and I'm friends with his roommates.

Normally I would just cut it off here, but we talk every day. Every, fucking day. We are super close. I would say he's one of my closest friends at this point. I adore his POV with art and music and culture in general. He's a musician/visual artist and I'm a corporate designer. I don't do anything terribly artistic as I work in tech, but I am very comfortable in artistic scenes and have been in music scenes my entire life. I also have my own studio that I work from. I'm just not very visible online or in communities like he is. We have so much that we connect on, but somehow I never feel like I am enough for him.

I've ended us being romantic or physical before and lo and behold he'll come back asking for romance, be hyped for a few weeks, fall back into his art and then cool off. I also am out wondering if he's meeting another girl at another party or art gathering and just talking to her until he comes back to me. Things I'm scared of but never ask.

I express my general concerns about getting romantic again he says he wants to take things slow, it cools off further and I'm back to kissing my bro that I hang out with and he still doesn't get fucking tested.

I feel like I'm never enough for my own bare minimum but unfortunately I adore him and love being around him and even his friends.

I'm also living in the shadow of a five year relationship that ended a year ago. He still talks to his ex, works creatively with her and I feel like I can't get out of her shadow. She's prettier and cooler and smarter than me. Or so it feels. I hear a lot of praise on his behalf.

The thing is I make so much room in my life for him. I talk to my partner about establishing a day with him once a week, move my plans around, have in depth discussions about what may happen if we see each other in public together etc.

All work I don't mind doing because it's necessary to me. This is a destabilizing effect for me, be I need consistency or a label. This way I can adjust my partners expectations as well. I know I'm not being fair to myself or others in this ambiguity. I can't be a girlfriend, situationship and bro all in one.

The thing is, I brought this up again Monday and he told me having a partner or getting tested isn't too much, so I'm just left wondering why he's not moving forward? Why am I enough in a moment but like an 8 month moment. Why is it that he says I'm always here, patient and kind and that he wants more but in reality that's a pipe dream.

Anyways wake me up from this fucking nightmare. Tell me to get real. Whatever it takes. I saw him last night, did our ritual, sobbed when I got home like it was a break up and am seeing him tonight at a show. I need some strength to formulate my thoughts on how to move forward compassionately, for our own benefit.