My friend wants to propose to his girlfriend and ruin her life.

I posted this in another sub but people are getting distracted and not focusing on the actual issue, so I’m trying again here. Mandatory throwaway because I have too many friends in common with this particular friend. Please forgive any formatting or grammar issues, this was written the night I found out and am a little scatter-brained.

Background, I (M27) have been friends with “Tony” (M28) since university. We were studying to end up in similar professions so we naturally had a lot of coinciding classes together. We eventually started partnering up for projects and hanging out in our personal time, which is when we found out we have very similar hobbies and interests. He’s a cool guy but in complete honesty he was definitely still in his awkward phase when we met, which was surprising to me because usually people grow out of that by the time they’re eighteen. I’m talking slouchy posture, bad skin, not as good of a body, that kind of stuff while I was basically the opposite. The profession we are both interested in values image and appearance pretty significantly so I tried harder to look good - haircuts, working out, hygiene etc. Eventually I started to convince Tony to clean up his act. I’d bring it up until he started seeing reason and let me train him. I basically made him the man he is today. He’s now way better looking and has actually been almost as successful with women as I am, which set us up for brighter futures by the time we graduated. 

The story really begins when he meets his current girlfriend, “Selene” (F26). Tony and I were having a pint at some dive when we saw Selene enter with some of her friends. It was the typical “girl’s night out” with short dresses, heels, makeup and hair done. They looked good but it was the typical party girl crowd so I obviously wasn’t interested in talking to them. However, Tony caught barely a glimpse of Selene and wouldn’t stop talking about her or trying to catch her eye from across the room. I was starting to get annoyed because if you’re going to be in and out of the conversation you should at least do it for a real woman, since the drinking and partying types are usually not partner material. At some point I guess I conceded and went over with him as a wingman so he could go home with her and shut up about it. When we started talking to her I was surprised to see that she was actually pretty chill, wasn’t drinking much, and actually seemed really smart. The fact that she was fine as hell didn’t go over my head either, and I started regretting letting Tony take the reins on this one especially seeing that they were really getting along. After a while Selene’s friends were beginning to drag her to the next bar and I thought that would be the end of it because Tony would NEVER have the balls to ask for a girl’s number, but SHE gave it to HIM without any prompting. Tony was shocked frozen and my eyes almost popped out of my head. 

From that moment, everytime I thought Tony’s luck would run out his life somehow got better. Selene and Tony became official after only two weeks of talking. She asked HIM on dates, bought HIM gifts, told HIM she loved him first. They have now been together four years. We would sometimes all hang out together so I experienced firsthand how lovey-dovey she was with him, how they would laugh together and shit and it made me realise that my life of woman after woman was depressing compared to what they have. After their first year together I was expecting it to go downhill too, but then the second year came and went then the third and it was like their honeymoon phase never died. The only real differences I saw was that Tony was starting to gain “relationship weight” and Selene still was this cover girl model, which I admit pissed me off a little. I only really understood the weight of the situation when Tony told me that he was planning on proposing. As in he already bought the damn ring and has an entire proposal plan set up. 

Here is where the problem starts. We live in a country that is having some issues with foreigners, which both Tony and Selene are. While Selene’s parents are both from overseas she has legal establishment here while Tony is basically illegal. If he proposes he’ll basically tie her to him and weigh her down from having an easier, legal relationship, or even fuck her over in the eyes of the government. Plus, considering his status, he probably won’t be able to provide for her as a proper husband. Tony and I are both sort of in the professions we studied for, but I am obviously ahead of him because I am a citizen and do not have to go through employment hurdles. He is not where he should be at our age, and Selene is already moving pretty quickly up the ladder at her workplace. She’s beautiful, hardworking, smart and thoughtful, while Tony is slow-moving, timid, and has a lot less opportunities in life. I know that at this point it’s my place to say something to make sure my friend doesn’t make a mistake he will regret for the rest of his life, but I know he won’t take it well. I am currently just seeking advice on how to proceed and help him see clarity or at least just think this through. I’m thinking about going to Selene directly if Tony doesn’t see reason, but it might have to be a last minute resort just so she doesn’t have to pile the rejection onto him. 

TLDR - University friend wants to propose to his girlfriend and seriously mess with her future. He is illegal and she is probably on the way to being that as well.