What the hell am I supposed to do with the love?

So she splits and then we separate and I try so hard and change so many things only to find out there probably wasn’t anything wrong with me in the first place according to the psychologist.

And I’ve done the studying of attachment and I’ve done the studying of abandonment and yeah, those are things -

But since the day she filed, I still have nothing but love, even though it hurts .

I find myself wanting to help her divorce me because she’s fucking things up so badly by spending everything we ever saved and then blaming me because I have an attorney too .

Last night she launches into me about the boundaries that I had broken, and I had to remind her that those boundaries were broken for me as well that we heard each other, and that she never even tried

And every time we get close to the truth, she runs away again

What am I supposed to do with all this love and before you say I’m supposed to turn it to myself I don’t know how to do that - I turned myself into my family and I guess I should hate her now, but I don’t know how.

Just for some sense of validation, I jumped on Tinder in Facebook dating, but I know I’m not gonna date anyone. I just need somebody to make me feel like I’m desired, and I was worth it and that she was saying that no one would ever be attracted to me.

I’ve never had so much pain and I’m not just whining to read it. It’s just my wife was my best friend and I don’t have any others.

Thanks for listening to an old man. Be sad about more loss.

Sorry