Learned helplessness, unemployment, and ‘unintentional Manipulation?’ In spouse. How did you cope/manage? ‘M40’ ‘F39’

Me, M40 and wife, F39, have been married for 18 years. One kid going to college next year. She has not worked in 8 years, but has advanced degree. Leaving me feeling abandoned financially, taken advantage of, and like I had no say in how my life is turning out. Has not even applied to a single job since quitting last job 8 years ago. Sees herself as not hirable, but has never been told that by anyone. Many other issues, including violations of trust that are just as bad…., but this one is huge and ongoing. I just don’t know how to keep going and feeling like I’m drowning emotionally. It’s been a fight for years with promises of change and never follows through. What would you do?

This along with several other problems leave me feeling like only one option remains. After every discussion and argument it always seems like it’s my fault and our ‘values don’t match’ or ‘I only value the paycheck and not her’.

Even asked for divorce this year and that triggered an effort that stalled after 1 1/2 weeks and pretending nothing even happened. And again more fighting 4 months later.