Hey Stranger… please forgive my silence… please forgive my cries

Why am I here… gripped in fear and indecision Why do I need to speak
Why can’t I just say something normal Why do I stare at your final words unable to do anything I lost my voice when we last spoke

I was supposed to be able to keep this all in I was supposed to save us the trouble and the grief and the heartache Fuck It snapped, broke, shattered… It went screaming across my memories Writing them, rewriting them, again and again and again and You deserve better You deserved better You are better Fuck

This is selfish, why do I want to be selfish. No one needs this, you don’t need this Nothing but a vain attempt to prove my actions amounted to something. You have certainly moved on… free to forget… free to live and love and stay in the real world… It didn’t mean anything, I didn’t mean anything It was always meant to end, I was meant to end It wasn’t real, I wasn’t real

You… You… God… You are loved, You are love Your thoughts warp the world around me Your touch still warm against my fingertips Your dreams spell out your name in the pages I turn and lyrics I drift to You haunt me Do I haunt you

There is little hope I have left that you have not moved on, found something tangible, found something real to carve your name into

You deserve it. My God you of all people deserve it. I just needed you to know. To hear you made me feel alive.

Why am I selfish. Why did I fall silent. Why did I have to die. Why didn’t I stay, fight, claw my way toward you and hold till the last of my strength gave way. Why did I show up in your life at all. We had our own lives… dull and duty filled… but stable, simple. It was survival without thought. Why did you wake me. Why did I try to wake you up. It’s selfish. Please forgive me… please God forgive me.

I feel nothing. I feel dead. I lost my voice again. Lost my soul… I think I left it with you I wish I had the courage to call for you. I fear what you would respond with. Would you call me a stranger… would you call me a friend… would you rather I stay dead