Will I ever get over being prediabetic?

It’s been a month and I’m still grieving I’m crying every day, it’s in my head every second of everyday. I lost my freedom to food, food was my coping mechanism. Getting prediabetes was my worst nightmare, I’m young I’m 28. The reason I got it was because it was my first time trying weed and it seemed like it lowered my impulse control, which led to eating 5-6k calories a day causing to. I guess I spike my blood sugar repeatedly day after day. To give you some perspective I was eating Jack in the box four tacos two ultimate cheese rusher two sides of curly fries in one sitting, that just one of the meals. I regret it ever since. My OCD has been with me since I was 14.

It’s the fact that I went from 5.6a1c I lost 10 pounds without trying, I did weed for the first time because I was curious, I had no friends, I dropped out of high school so I wanted to experience things I missed out on, and it led to double the amount of food which caused a 6.0a1c in 11 months.

This is something I said I would never get. My OCD fear of it always led me to getting so many a1cs years for years and the one time I didn’t do that was last year because my mind was distracted.

And I’m in so much pain, the most pain I’ve ever been in. I just can’t accept remission for life. Food was my coping mechanism when ocd overwhelmed or just sad or life in general. The only way that keeps me hope is becoming a diabetic scientist and see if I am find a cure, a breakthrough, but I just cried, because I don’t want to do this, I didn’t choose this, my life has been so horrible, I got back up and this diagnosis hit me in the face.

I seriously don’t know how everyone can just live in remission.

I have weekly therapy sessions, I just had it an hour ago. And then the fear came again, going outside helps but my god the fear of this for life, being wrapped up in chains. I’m not asking to binge, or junk food every day, I just feel so chained, I feel like I’m in prison.