20 years old, completely worthless

I’m NSFW tagging this because it has mentions of suicide.

Basically, all my life I’ve felt like something is missing, I feel like I lack something in my head that makes me lack some amount of empathy or love. It’s really hard for me to make an actual connection to anybody. I barely have friends, I don’t really feel too strong about any of my close family.

I’m 20 years old and I moved out of my parents’ house last year. I got an apartment and then proceeded to completely burn through all of my money for some reason. I guess I just don’t have any self restraint. I ended up getting evicted and living in my car for a month. Now I stay at a friend’s house and have to move out again soon.

My car is on the verge of breaking down, I don’t make enough money to rent somewhere and I already owe so much for medical bills (I had an extreme anxiety attack July last year where I though I had a heart attack) and unpaid rent. I’m going to be homeless soon. I don’t have any more friends that will take me. It’s over.

I’ve honestly considered killing myself, although I’d probably be too afraid to do it. I really don’t know what to do at this point. I don’t have any real friends, I’m a disgusting mess, physically and emotionally, my life is falling apart.