I could never hate him.

My ex and I were together off and on for three years. We were young, but we loved each other.

The last time we were together, he SA'd me. I tried to convince myself it wasn't a big deal and that it was okay because he loved me. I know it's wrong, but I was young and in love.

One day, he didn't come to school. I didn't think anything of it, so I sat down at lunch with a few friends. My ex best friend came up to me with a look in her eyes I'll never forget. She turned her phone around, and on it was a girl's snapchat story about how much she loves her boyfriend. Right under the text, she tagged him. I was heartbroken. He was my everything. I didn't confront him because I didn't want to lose him. I stayed up all night crying and overthinking everything that had happened in the last three years, and I couldn't take it anymore. The next day, we got in a huge fight and we broke up. I was crushed.

It's been five months. People talk shit about him and always say that he's a terrible person. My current boyfriend knows what my ex did to me, and everytime he's mentioned, I can tell it hurts him.

I don't know if this is bad, but I could never hate him. He will always be my first love. I want nothing but the best for him. I want him to be happy.

Is it okay that I feel this way? Is this normal? Is this going to get in the way of my relationship?