How am I supposed to feel now.

I’ve been on and off talking with this girl, I’ll call her “M” since 2021. We’ve tried dating, but most times it never worked. Through the course of us talking I’ve never seen any other girl, meanwhile she saw a few guys. We dated from late 2022 to early 2023, and I ended it considering I felt like she didn’t prioritize me as much as I did her. I had absolutely no feelings for her after that break up, but everyone so often we would hangout, cuddle, and watch a movie. We did that maybe 4-5 times, and it was with her best friend and my best friend whom were dating. In early 2024 she asked to see me and I eventually broke it to her that I’m not interested and I don’t think I’ll ever be, so I actually tried going for another girl. That went on for about 2 months, but ultimately never got anywhere, I never even hungout with her.

Summer of 2024 I got news that M was talking to another guy, and I wasn’t sure how to feel. I didn’t do anything about it, because usually when I heard she was talking to a new guy I would swoop and hang with her, this time I did nothing. One night when I was on vacation, my friends decided to hang with M as well as my best friends girlfriend, and they told me she kept begging for me to come and that she wants me very badly. I told my friends I wasn’t interested, and they all thought I was dumb. Eventually I got my license and M got word, so she reached out. She wanted me to pick her up and I told her I maybe would, but I kinda blew her off and decided to get food with my friends, and one of my friends that is girls she is very threatened by, so she ended up balling her eyes out and blocked me. I eventually reached out of her again a week later and apologized, she was on vacation so I told her when I get back I would pick her up. Late July I ended up picking her up and it went very smoothly, and after that time I could proudly say I gained feelings once again.

We started dating it was honestly going very well for the first couple of months, then toward the winter we hit a road block again. We would mainly fight because she wanted to hangout with her friends, but the boys they hung-out with included of the boy she talked to at the beginning of summer, and they actually did some things together. She resented me for it and for months we would argue at least once a week. She broke up with me in April and I didn’t take it easily, and begged for her back. The reason for this break up is because one of the guys in that friend group was having a larger hangout, and she kept telling my friend group we could go, but I told M it’s not her place to say that and she’s not even friends with that friend group. She then found out she herself wasn’t even invited and she unleashed it on me, deleted all pics of me on her socials, and blocked me on mostly everything. I picked up her bsf and we got her to talk w us in the car, and after an hour we were back together.

It was good for a little bit, but of course it reverted back to us arguing often. Another big argument is she would have a class and would only sit next two these two guys who both wanted her, even though they were both reasonably ugly, I wasn’t okay considering M is rather a flirty person. In May she ended up going to one of her friends house who was hosting that whole fg, included the guys who actively like her and the guy she talked to, and didn’t ask if I was okay with it. Not to mention we was also drinking with them. She asked if I could pick her up, and at first I didn’t want to, but one of my closer friends said they would go with me so I did it. She was all over me and clingy because she was aware she messed up, but I wasn’t feeling it. We then got into an argument the morning after while we were getting breakfast, and eventually I just stopped talking ab it because she wasn’t understanding.

After this, it was very on and off between us, with us having very good days, and very bad days. Late June she was going to sleep away camp for three weeks, so I wanted to do all I can to end off on good terms before she left. She was honestly very toxic to me and rude, meanwhile I was being very nice. The last hangout we had went very good the night before she left, and for the first couple days she was at camp we would talk a lot and it was very good. A couple days into her being there, I looked at her Instagram following and saw she followed about 20 guys from that camp, and half don’t even follow her. I called her out on it and asked why she needed to do that, but it resulted in her calling me insecure and delusional. After that argument she was very dry, barely snapping me and giving me one word answers when I’d try and talk. Another thing is that I had my tonsillectomy coming up, and I wanted to call her before it happened. I called her the night before, she picks up and says she’s going to bed, and I explain to her it’s important we call right now considering I won’t be able to talk for awhile. She said she’d text me and hung up. I waited for about 15 minutes for her to text me, once she didn’t I called again. She automatically hung up, I call again and she blocked my number. I then wake up the morning of my procedure to see no apology and only for her to snap me. I leave it on open and didn’t go on my phone the rest of the days considering my pain. I went on it late at night, only for her to snap me again and not bother to ask how my procedure went. My parents soon found out she didn’t reach out by looking at my phone, so they were very mad at that. Days went by and she never reached out.

Eventually two days after my procedure, she texts me to say the camp lost power and she’s texting me from another camp. I told her that sucks, but at the same time she should’ve called the night before my surgery, but she said she didn’t want to. I then told her that’s just not okay considering she was being very rude to me beforehand and I wanted to talk to her. She then snaps me the following day and I tell her, unless she has a large apology for me then I’m all set. She responds to that with her flipping me off in a snap, and I reply saying it’s funny you’re doing that because in reality you should be the most sorry individual ever. I then also told her my parents lost all respect for her because they are aware of how you’re been treating me as well as you not reaching out to me about my surgery. M replies with “good to know” so I ask if we’re breaking up because she obviously wasn’t aware of the damage she caused and nor does she care. She then says it’s probably better off because she doesn’t want to say what she has to say, obviously I wanted to hear what she had to say so I know how she was being such a prick. M stated that her being away made her realize her life is better off without me, and that she had lost all feelings for me. She also said she can’t wait to get back to her regular life without me and that I brainwash her. I then argued with her for a few hours, and eventually I realized I still had her Snapchat login so I decided to go on.

What I found was brutal, she had texted a guy at the hotel she was currently at asking “where he was” and “wyd” and had an overall very flirty conversation. I then looked in her friends chats to see her sending multiple pics of guys at the camp up close to one friend, and another of her friends saw a guy M originally knew from another camp and the friend said “you should’ve got w him” knowing very well M has a boyfriend, she’s met me multiple times. I then told M what I found and she denied any of it happening, and unadded me on snap. I then text her calling her a cheater and she kept denying denying denying. I didn’t take screenshots of anything, but I wish I did. She ended the conversation saying she likes me as a person but lost all romantic feelings for me. The next day I text her saying she’s a cheater once again, only for her to keep denying that conversation with that boy even took place. She ended off the conversation by saying “I hope you know I think you’re an ugly pos and I have never been attracted to you.” I left it on open and never texted back. What’s funny is most people have said I am a lot more attractive than her, but I never saw it. The following day I unadded her on Instagram when I saw she followed even more boys, and she unadded me on TikTok. When I looked, she unadded my TikTok, and only followed the guy that she hit up at the hotel, not even her friends who are girls at the camp. What’s also weird is he didn’t follow her, meaning she went out of her way to look her up.

In all, I drew the conclusion that M is already talking to another guy after being in a relationship with me for 11 months, and I honestly don’t know how to feel. I committed to this relationship so hard the entire time, and most of the time it wasn’t the same. Im not sure how to feel but seeing her with another guy only a few days after we break up makes me sick to my stomach. She also deleted all evidence of me on her vsco, including the flowers I got her for Valentine’s Day. I wouldn’t be surprised if she deleted every photo of me from her camera roll as well. Thank you for reading, and please let me know how I should go about this.