What obligation, if any, do you/we have to mask in order to make others comfortable?

Hi, I (40M) have recently been identified as autistic. My whole life I have masked so hard that I am now trying to figure out who I really am. One of the issues I’m dealing with is knowing what, if any, obligation do I have to act like an allistic person in public to make others comfortable.

Example 1: I was in a movie theater talking to an employee (M16?) and asking him some question. My girlfriend told me later that I was too loud. I was probably 6 inches taller than him and 50 lbs heavier and she said he seemed a bit taken aback, although the conversation was polite and I never said anything intimidating or even complaining. I’m not sure if by just acting how I act, if I was wrong.

Example 2: My wife told me that I have a flat voice when I’m on the phone with customer service people, and that she can tell they don’t like it when she hears us on speakerphone. I always speak calmly and politely but it is true that I can have a flat tone that comes off in a negative way. Again, I don’t know if this is wrong.

Example 3 etc etc etc: I can be direct to the point of sometimes being blunt. It can make people uncomfortable in all sorts of settings. What obligation, if any, do I have to police my tone?

Masking is exhausting - do I owe it to people?