Repressing AGP to strengthen normal heterosexual desire or just foing fully AGP ..

I feel like I've reached another crossroads in my frustrating and highly confused sexuality. My strategy has mostly been to try repressing my AGP and "manning up" as much as possible, but like so many other times in the past, I've just now relapsed into crossdressing.

My hair has grown out into a long bob length, and I've recently lost a bit of body mass which might have triggered my AGP. To make matters worse, I succumbed to a compulsive shopping binge and spent way too much money on make up. As per my usual routine, I got a bit inebriated on red wine, transformed into my female persona and posted a few clips on my reddit profile for the sake of getting some attention and a few glorious hits of dopamine.

What sucks about my sexuality is that although I'm gynaphilic, my AGP weakens my orthodox heterosexual desire for women. I'm far more turned on by the idea of becoming what I'm meant to be attracted to, and the meta attraction of experience towards men when I'm dressed as my persona seems more of a powerful and potent desire than my attraction towards women. However, I'm not genuinely attracted to men and in order to tap into my meta attraction, I've got to first transform into my own erotic target and this is often exhausting and time consuming.

FML, why couldn't I have just been a regular run of the mill gay guy, lol.