Why do I feel this way?

Lemme just start by saying I don't like like these girls (thats gross). There's these twins I always see at church and they cool (as in I kinda want to be there friend) buh their family being way richer than mine (and them effortlessly flaunting it), I just feel like that's not possible (especially after seeing the guys they hang out with). I've always acted awkward (as I always am) and mostly clumsily around them and whenever they're parents invite us over to their house buh I just accepted that its not possible (and like stopped caring).After seeing one of them at a prom with this guy I saw once at their house I just feel bad all over again and I kinda care. I mean I didn't really care after all of this before but one time when I was setting up for an event (at church ofc) one of them was staring at me from like a door ahead non stop for like 8 minutes straight - and as weird as I am hid under one of the tables and waited for them to leave( I think I have anxiety issues) - so why do I feel like this?

I'm going to say again this isn't one those gross dude things.