Checking My Ex's Social Media For The First Time Was Actually Good For Me Somehow

Last week I looked up my ex's reddit. This, believe it or not, was the first time I'd ever looked up her socials since our split. I made a commitment to myself to cut her off as soon as possible once we separated 3 years ago, which, though painful at first, saw us ultimately going no contact after 2 months once I realized she'd never stop demanding money from me. Fast forward to last week, which was 3 years and 2 months later, and I finally find out what she's been doing since we broke up: nothing!

From what little I gleaned she's been living in the same house and working the same job, and telling the same sad stories about herself since we split up. She's at least had time to focus on making life as sad and small as possible, in order to maximize how sob her sob stories can get. It sounds like she doesn't have that many friends, so few in fact that she's had to start a "women's group" that she advertises in the third person to pretend she isn't the only member. I kid you not, her reddit page was so depressing I had to stop looking at it and go for a walk.

Now, this might sounds weird, but I'm so friggin glad I did this. I've come a long way in three years. I came out of the closet, got politically active, made new friends all over the place, traveled to a few new states. I've grow more patient, and relaxed, and all around more able to show up authentically to the people in my life. I've gotten so much better, and I never would have realized how much better if I hadn't seen how little this person has changed.

At first I felt sorry. Then I started to remember. I remembered her getting angry at me anytime I had a better or worse day than her, or needed any kind of support, everytime she'd divulged highly personal information about me to try to coax someone else into sharing highly personal information in return. I remembered her threatening to divorce me if I ever came out. I remember her being racist and weird about my family despite HAVING KEPT MY LAST NAME ALL THIS TIME, AND SHES ENGAGED SO I REALLY HOPE SHE HAD A GOOD EXPLANATION FOR THAT GUY. I remembered all the opportunities she had to live the life she kept saying she wanted, and how each and every time she shot them all down.

She's the kind of person who is greedy for sympathy. She's always having the worst day possible, or dealing with an endless barage of horrors. If you look even a little close at her life, you'll quickly realize she is actively making it harder. She's choosing to live the same small depressing meaningless life she's always lived, and I'm finally happy.

Do not take this as my advising you to find your ex on social media. Your results will vary, especially if you all split recently. But if you've been living in fear of them? If you've been having bad dreams where you're back together? Seeing how pathetic they really are might break that illusion.

The most rewarding thing about seeing this person as a stranger, was realizing I'm no just over her, I've been over her. I finally have the life I've always wanted, and the part of my life where I'm dealing with the divorce has been over for longer than I initially realized. I want you all to realize that you never needed that person. You just needed you. And you are a powerful ally.