I've had enough (sigh)

I'm writing this because I truly wish to do something about it.

I'm 27M (5'5) (115kg - actually this is an estimate, it could probably be more than that sigh). Obviously, this is a hellish situation. What I've been doing for the longest time IS emotional eating. Every single day, I order expensive, highly-processed junk from Swiggy. I actually don't even feel good WHILE eating it now. But I just can't stop myself. I avoid looking at myself in the mirror because of how terrible it'd make me feel.

"Discipline" for me has never been an issue in any other major life domain except this. I wake up early and study/work. I don't use social media. I've cut out all other "junk" but for some reason, despite trying for YEARS, I simply cannot give this up. I can't give up unhealthy eating. And I'm here for any help that can help me save my life. A few other points I wanted to mention (in no specific order) (and ofc these are excuses, but it'd be great if you all could help me overcome these excuses and finally do what's good for me) :

1. Why I have been avoiding the gym all my life.

I've had some very embarrassing incidents at the gym in the past decade or so, whenever I've gone there for a day or two. I'll focus on the last one which happened in January 2024. This one's a famous gym in a big Indian city. I was just doing my shit when a trainer came up to me and started giving me advice about how I'm doing a particular exercise wrong. Okay. But he followed it up with this (verbatim) : "How old are you? Are you married? I don't think you'll ever lose weight at this rate. You should've started way earlier." I was obviously devastated. I didn't even complete my exercise that day. Just never went back. The next day, my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. And I went down the emotional eating route. And that has gone on till date. I don't want to blame the guy here, or my ex-girlfriend.

But this and several other incidents at gyms in the past have led to me avoiding gyms like the plague. I feel like the moment I enter, everyone would probably judge me hard. I feel extremely conscious about whether I'm wearing the right clothes. I'm in general a low self-esteem person (goes without saying). My question is, how do I overcome this?

2. Expenses

Due to personal reasons that I wouldn't want to get into, I'm on a really tight budget. Ordering from these apps in harming me in every possible way, but it's like i don't have a control over myself when I see that damned orange app or it's notifications or its ads. The weird and scary thing is, I KNOW how advertising works. How all of us are being pushed towards fashionable consumption, but knowing that doesn't change anything. Sorry I'll come straight to my question.

I know I need to get therapy, but i can't afford it right now. What's a cost effective way for me to start eating healthy (I think I might have to buy utensils and start cooking?)

3. Intermittent Fasting

Since the past week, I have been trying to do IF. I have my first meal at 7:30-8. And I can control my hunger till 4-ish PM, but at around that time, I turn to Swiggy AGAIN. Which makes me feel doubly depressed and hopeless.

I took time out of my morning study schedule and wrote this. Because I can't be living like this. I want to change myself. Please help me.