I don't feel like a real person

I feel like I'm just maintaining a body which requires regular maintenance in the form of food, water, sleep, etc. There isn't anything that feels joyful or purposeful about my life. I don't have meaningful connections with other people anymore; most days, I don't even talk to another person unless you count brief interactions with the cashier at the store.

I know that my self-regard is very poor. I don't think I have many likable characteristics, and that's probably why I haven't been able to reliably cultivate relationships with other people. Instead, my main source of self-esteem comes from my job. I'm very good at it and it makes me feel good that I'm a good at it, and because of that it's become something of a centerpiece in my life. I organize my days and weeks around it, and sometimes on weekends or holidays I feel lost without it.

My existence only seems meaningful when viewed through the lens of work and consumption. I'm sort of like a well-oiled cog in the machine: people pay me to do things at work, then after work I pay people to do things for me (i.e., to provide me with groceries, clothes, books, or whatever I might purchase; to make me food or to give me a haircut; etc.) It feels like that's the only way that I have to make a small contribution to society.

But I still don't feel like a person. It's just sort of an accident that I even have a name, a personality, a physical appearance, memories, or feelings. It's all just sort of pointless.