I don’t want to feel like this anymore

I am a 16 yr old girl and suffered sexual abuse at the hands of a family member through the ages of 6-8 and 2 teenage boys at the age of 7. Outside of this, I did not have a very good childhood. Every time I get into a relationship, I throw myself onto them constantly wanting to have sex even though I do not like sex and find it disgusting. I no longer feel love without it being in a sexual way, I don’t want to feel like this anymore because I feel disgusting and shameful in the end but I don’t know how to stop these feelings. I could be sat getting held and told how beautiful I am but because they aren’t making a sexual advance, I don’t feel loved I feel disgusting and unwanted. I’m only young but this way of thinking and feeling really upsets me and would do anything to make it stop. If anyone has experienced anything like this or has any advice. Please help me.