There’s something ridiculously, absurdly warped in begging safety and protection from the very one hurting you

It hit me earlier today that it’s so twisted to beg for empathy, safety and protection from the very person doing the tormenting.

To run to your partner and beg for a break from the hurting and the pain, and yet keep receiving that pain and torture, while the inner values you held about persevering in a partnership and seeing the best in people - that everyone has bad days and no one is perfect, and communication is key - will not allow you to leave that human until all your energy is gone, and the emotional turmoil runs so deep that it almost kills you where you stand, begging them for a respite, crawling into their arms weeping for help while they continue to torture you while telling you it’s all in your head and you’re hurting yourself on their cold words and actions.

Tl;dr: Trauma bonds are a twisted son of a bitch hellscape.

It gets infinitely better, however, it actually does - 1.5 years out from a narcissistic relationship - covert - and I have my spark again, healing slowly, while getting happier and better, again