Does it ever really get better?

Two months ago, my former partner had a seizure. It was a grand mal, face turned grey, foaming at the mouth, convulsing, all that. I was the only one during the event that knew what to do, turn him on his side. Eventually he started breathing again. He didn't remember anything that happened. The first night after, he hit his head lightly and I launched into something I've never experienced before. I was screaming, and all I could see was his grey face. It was like bits and pieces were mixing into what was really happening. I freaked out my ex with my meltdown, so I've been trying to keep all of my attacks under control, but it's like it's boiling underneath the surface. I'm not insane but I've had my fill of mental health issues. I've had panic attacks, anxiety attacks, probable BPD episodes, etc.

Nothing has ever felt like this. I have never been this scared in my entire short, 20 years of life. I've been in therapy for 5 years and I still go weekly. Nothing is fixing it. I feel like I'm going insane. I see things that aren't there, I hear things that aren't there. I wake up wanting to scream. I don't know how to fix this and I can't keep I can't keep living like this I wake up and I feel like I'm dying every day I can't do this I've never been so helpless

I flaired support but advice is also welcome