I kind of hate my grandmother

Oh I KNOW I don't have anybody when I pull out reddit 😭 😭, as the title implies my grandmother and I do not have the best relationship, hell I don´t even know if I can call it a relationship, we BARELY talk to eachother and the times we do it´s her telling me her stuff (I´ll elaborate).

For background, I´m 16, I live with my mother and grandmother, my parents separated back in late 2021 but he picks me up to hang out throught the week. My grandmother lives with us even before my parent's separation, and she was never a problem to me, sure not the most cheery sunshine and rainbows person but she was still my grandmother, she usually kept quiet watching tv, she helped to clean the house by washing the dishes and sometimes by sweeping.

This year has changed things though, last year around late november we got kicked out of our house for legal issues, we had to stay at my aunt's house as it had many space and we had nowhere to go, the problem though, is she was very unsanitary, what she did (and still does) basically counts as animal abuse, she has many, and I mean MANY cats (around 30 or so) they aren't really hers but she feeds them in her backyard. The place they're in is very small in comparison of the amount of them, the place smells awful as my aunt does not clean their waste, and that made the ENTIRE house smell, even if it was only in the backyard, to top things off the only way you could acces it was the kitchen, so when you went to get food instead you got the urge to vomit. It was in those three months that I developed a kind of fear of anything that was even a little dirty, I refuse to eat in something I have not washed beforehand and many things I didn´t care abt before now are bothersome to me. Now something I noticed when we were at my aunt's was my grandmother did NOT wash her hands after going to the restroom, I doubted what I saw so as the nosy person I am I started watching her, she did not wash her hands, ever. Obviously I was very grossed out, I had been eating out of dishes washed by dirty hands (hadn't mentioned it before but many times the dishes weren't properly washed I´d find dishes with food residues when grabbing one, my mother knew this, but she said to just wash it because it was the only thing my grandma was helping with), when we got to our now house (we were renting my grandma's original house since she went to live with us so we had to kick out the guy who was renting it), I started to wash my things separately, I even made my own space for dishes. There's still a problem though, the other dishes, the one's we use for cooking, she washes them, every single other thing that I have not claimed is washed by her. She is filthy not only in that, she basically refuses anything that is hygene, and I can understand, she has anxiety and is pretty sick, and I feel so bad for hating her, I always said people care unless that person is genuinely sick but am I not doing the same? I really try to see things from her perspective and I can only describe it as sad, I try to care but I remember a few details and I really cannot bring myself to like her.

As I grew up I learned more about her, when she was young she went out every day returning at like 10 p.m. always, she always made comments to my mother about what she liked, and it got to a point where she forced my mother to pursue a carreer she disliked. That is in the past but I wanted to mention it to make clear that she was manipulative since forever, even now some months ago she made a scene and victimized herself crying all because my mother refused to call my aunt, who was gone shopping. She has a way of twisting stuff to victimize herself and get my mother to pity her.

Another thing that bothers me is she does not respect me as a person, I can't really prove it but I know, little things like dismissing what I say have led me to this conclusion, for example when I was like 11 I was having a discussion with my mother (not a serious one but still) and I've always had a problem with stuttering, I really cannot control it it's one of my biggest insecurities, and when I was talking I was of course, stuttering and all she said was something along the lines of "haha she doesnt know what to say!" while giggling, showing me all she saw was a child whose opinion was nothing but a silly joke to her, I myself am nothing but a child to her, even now she still thinks that way, she does not respect me, my privacy or boundaries at all. She has many times come into my room without knocking, while I was in the shower or in the toilet, I told my mother and she said she would tell my grandma (I did this because I know she wouldn't take me seriously) and she still does it, in fact, just this morning I was about to shower when I heard the doorknob being twisted, at this point everytime I go into my room I lock myself, when I sleep I am afraid of her watching me so I started locking it, even when I'm just not doing nothing I lock myself, I feel no sense of privacy at all. One time I after I finished showering I was drying myself then I looked up, she was there, about to open the doors, for context my room has a bathroom and to reach it you basically have to cross all my room, not only that, but the doors have windows, she saw me in there naked from all the way and didn't stop, idk if I'm exagerating it because I've had several issues with my body before and still do to this day but I genuinely felt so sick back then, I almost started to cry, I was really upset so I told my mother and she said she'd talk with my grandmother, that was like three months ago so I don't really think it mattered to her.

I cannot stand being in the same room as her, I get really pissed when she talks to me, mostly because when she does it's just to ask me about where my mom is and to call her when she just left, and I know it's because of her illness and I really want to be more paitent I really try but I just remember everything when she talks to me and I am just very uncomfortable with her, she has also grabbed my waist when talking to me which I know it's normal for her but I don't like touch so it just makes me very uncomfortable. I think I'll only resolve this when moving out, I know I'll be miserable alone but I don't want to be miserable because of my own family.

Oh by the way my mother know all this, I've told her.