College admissions influencer's ***cide video

Trying to be really careful with how I write this so it doesn't get taken down. But I just watched a video of one of my favorite college admissions persons (also someone I worked with last app cycle) talking about his almost ***cide attempt and it brought back so many memories of hard stressful and debilitating senior year was for me.

I didn't have any thoughts about doing anything terrible to myself, but I did think several times like my life wasn't worth it. I thought so many times that I was failure not specifically because of college admissions itself but because it all made me scrutinize myself from several angles.

• I thought of myself academically...3.6 UW at a competitive high school made me feel underqualified.
• I thought of myself athletically... tried to go out for basketball and got cut. tried to go out for baseball and got cut.
• I thought of myself as a child of my parents and every time they asked if I had heard back from colleges I knew I was likely to get rejected from...it felt like I was letting them down.
• I thought myself as just me and not knowing what I actually want to do with my life made feel completely useless

I'll admit that silently scrolling through reddit and seeing everyone post their stuff was a huge part of it. So other silent lurkers (like me...mostly) please know that this place can make you feel so bad about yourself but you're not alone. It's doing it to everyone. And if you feel that way now months before the whole thing actually starts...its going to get worse. Find kind people to lean on. Find adults to confide in. Find a friend who actually actually cares about you to talk to.