Who is lying?? Body dysphoria? Indenial about how I look?

I don't think I have body dysMORPHIA... but my entire life I have always been like, a heavy number. I was very very fit and muscular and at my lowest body fat percentage, I was 149 pounds/ 5'5", and a size 11 women's pants. I'm just kind of big overall!

I don't think I actually started to "look fat" until around 210-220 pounds. Is that delusional???

My highest weight was 270 pounds. That is INSANE feeling to write.

I know i looked fat and I felt fat, but like, I kind of don't feel like anyone knows I weighed almost 300 pounds. People told me I looked good and look good ALL THE TIME!!

I don't know what exactly I'm getting at here. I guess I'm just confused because I don't know what's true:

• does everyone lie to your face when you're fat and tell you that you look sexy/great/beautiful??? Look i get being a big beautiful woman but FFS 270???!

• or: am I actually somewhat heavier on the scale and just blessed with how my fat distributes???

I'm now down 40 pounds and it's summer so my body is showing more and I'm getting a lot of comments about how "amazing" I look and in my head I'm like

R u 4 real I weigh 230 pounds lmao