[1373] Untitled ("She sat up sharply from a feverish dream") - Short Story

Hi, everyone! I'm trying to work on some short story ideas and improve my writing. I'm a new writer, and I've started working through some writing exercises. The exercise here was 1) to try to write "big" and play with what what words can do and 2) to try to express a big emotion.

Feel free to tear it apart. I'm especially interested in how the emotion of the scene came through. I was going for a horror-ish vibe, based on some of my own sleep trouble in the past.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GgAOoGZ97rejrn-Lz4S8v-GsaKQonIdiwvRfFajWhcc/edit?usp=drive_link

Crits:

1. [399] https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1lx5sk5/399_intro_20_post_feedback_and_heavy_editing/n2oo16l/

2. [981] https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1lxc1nh/981_requesting_feedback_on_autofiction_excerpt/n2ojhrg/

Total = 1380