Am I valid here?

(MODS IM SORRY I ACCIDENTALLY POSTED THIS STORY ON MY MAIN ACC SO I TOOK IT DOWN AND PUT IT HERE ON MY BURNER)

I feel like I was forced into a religion

So I was baptized as a little kid, I had no idea what it meant but now that I’m older Roman Catholicism doesn’t feel right I feel like my family backstabbed me and if I were to tell them that I don’t wanna be Roman Catholic they’d start yelling at me, shoving Bible verses,and shoving all kinds of other shit down my throat honestly Roman Catholicism but brings back trauma from early life and I just don’t feel that connection I feel when learning about Buddha they’d basically shun me and it’s been my set goal, instead of forcing my child into a religion I’ll wait until their old enough than ask them what religion they want to be, because I never want a child do experience what I’m experiencing I feel a robust guilt, now I have acted like I love R.C but honestly it’s just so they don’t start grilling me and I feel like I’ve reached my boiling point as today I made a joke about a Maneki Neko and they took this as I started believing me, they started berating me saying “don’t be superstitious” and shit like that and honestly I just want to feel the peace I do when learning about Buddha honestly I’m too scared to even learn about it when their home as they could walk in any moment and see me meditating, see me reading something and snatching my phone and than start the berating again honestly I feel trapped and honestly it’s getting to much honestly I never even bring up my religion status anymore I just let them assume I’m Roman Catholic and I like it in reality I want to be a Buddhist and due to my early interest in Japan as a child they’ll just assume I’m just so obsessed with Japan now (For context when I was a kid I constantly dreamed of traveling and i just so happened to like Japan because that’s where Nintendo was at I started learning about their culture at a young age but they just called it an obsession, honestly I just plan to wait until I have everything and the power to move out silently and cut off contact, move to a different town, go very undercover and hope they never stumble upon me, I sometimes meditate in the bathroom and I get scared when they bang on the door “hurry up” or “whatcha doing in there” I honestly just wish I had a life where I could make my own decisions on important shit I honestly don’t even know anymore