I want to escape my brain.

I’ve suspected I’ve had pmdd for a few years now but recently in this past year it’s driving me insane. I am at a point where I can recognize I have these thoughts every month. But I’m still so triggered and upset by them. I feel so self destructive. It’s like I want to quit my job, break off my relationship, and run away. When in fact I don’t truly want any of that. I just get triggered so easily, it’s like there’s a magnifying glass in my brain and any minor issue is amplified till I start spiraling. I feel so hopeless, defeated, and just trapped in my brain. And I try to remember it’s temporary this will pass but then I spiral till I feel like it’s never going to stop and I’ll just feel like this my whole life. Then I tear myself to shreds feeling like a failure. It’s like a rollercoaster I can’t get off until I have a full blown mental break down. Sometimes I’m able to avoid the breakdown because of 🍃. But the negative thoughts don’t stop and I just feel so exhausted of being in my head. Then my period happens and I wait a few weeks for it to all happen again. I’m grateful I have an understanding bf but I just feel so awful I’m like this sometimes and just wish my emotions / mood swings weren’t insane during this time. I’m going through it rn and just so ready for my period to start to escape this 😫