I miss the version of me I was before everything went wrong

I don’t really know where to start, but I guess I just want to say it out loud somewhere. I miss who I used to be. I used to laugh without overthinking if it was too loud. I used to wake up and actually feel excited about the day. I used to love making plans, getting dressed up, meeting people. I wasn’t always like this.

I feel like the light in me dimmed and I don’t even know exactly when it happened. It wasn’t one big traumatic event. It was a bunch of little things over time. Failed relationships. Fake friends. Being let down when I was there for everyone else. Constantly giving and getting so little back. Slowly, I stopped recognizing the girl in the mirror.

Now I feel like I’m just going through the motions. I still smile. I still show up. But inside, I feel tired. Like I’m carrying this weight that no one can see. And I hate how good I’ve gotten at pretending.

I miss the girl who wasn’t so guarded. The one who trusted easily. The one who dreamed big and believed people meant what they said. I know she’s still in there somewhere, but lately I feel like I’m losing her more and more.

I just needed to let this out. I know I’m not the only one who feels like this. If you’re out there reading this and you relate even a little, I see you. You’re not alone. And maybe, just maybe, we’ll find our way back to the versions of ourselves we actually liked.

Thanks for reading.