Done

Don't expect anyone to read this. I just think I'm done. Typing this as my angel girlfriend is sleeping next to me.

I go through every mistake I've made recently every minute every day. I'm too tired to type it out. I tried before.

I think something changed inside me over the last few years. Always been depressed and borderline suicidal but it's just been a decline this time. No uphills. Not even fake hope.

I don't think I'm going to kill myself. I "tried" before, back when I was 16. Was more of a cry for help than anything else. I'm just getting closer to another attempt and I can feel it. A real attempt. Fake choked myself with a belt yesterday. Don't know why. Just to see if it'd make me feel something I think. A want for more life.

I'm 22. Sounds young, probably am young, but I'm just done. Don't expect replies. Don't think I really want replies. Just needed to talk at the abyss.

Everyone, just be good. Do everything with pure intentions. There is no stronger feeling than guilt. Once shame has you it'll never let you go. It'll gnaw at you and take more from you every time you let it in. Just be good people. Own up to your mistakes. Embody them. Learn from them.