Hey, idk what to say, but I would really appreciate one time talk with someone totally random

Hey, I’m male 21y.o. and I have diagnosed AuDHD. Most of my life I was just alone. Most of my life I said to myself, that I wouldn’t commit suicide, until I have no one, who would really care about me. But I kinda feel like I cut myself out of my ex-friends, im looking to move out (because of few reasons), but then I would have literally no one.. and then idk if I would actually do that.. I feel like a coward, for not committing to my words, but on the other side I feel like no one would actually care..

would here be anyone, who would listen to me, help me out or just talk? All SFW. Thank you in advance.