my childhood friend killed himself

I know we're dealing with stuff way beyond our age, but please don't leave any hate comments. I just need to get this out somewhere

I (15f) grew up hanging out with two boys, Will and Alex, who I went to school and summer camp with. We've all struggled with our own stuff, but our little group was always pretty stable. Then, last year Will and I got drunk and carried away and he ended up getting me pregnant. It was obviously really scary for both of us, but Alex was really supportive. Our baby was born almost two weeks ago, and Alex was one of the first people to meet him.

Alex killed himself last week. I feel so guilty. We should've been better friends to him. We were so preoccupied with our own irresponsibility that we didn't notice our best friend falling apart. He was always so happy, though.The only time I ever saw him cry was meeting my son. He was such a great person and I miss him so fucking much.

I seriously don't know how I'm going to get over this. I was already struggling with postpartum and now the grief is setting in and I can feel myself drowning.